PROGRESS

" From Savage to Shaman"

This Book is the story of Johnny MedicineBear and his journey "Into the Darkness," "Into the Shadow," and "Into the light."

The following are the Introductions of the 3 main sections of this book.

The story of Johnny MedicineBear is the story of every one of us. I didn’t write this book seeking ego-praise, but rather to share my life experiences with an open heart so that you, brother or sister, may relate and use “From Savage to Shaman” as a tool to emerge from your darkness into your light.


Foreword

This book is a gift. A gift for all those who, for whatever reason, have been in darkness. Whether from childhood emotional trauma, addiction, low self-esteem, guilt, regret, or the many other possible destructive influences in life, those struggling will embrace this book as a gift of understanding, compassion, and empowerment to move beyond the darkness. But actually, John Doerr (later Johnny MedicineBear) has given us all a remarkable gift of his authenticity and genuine hope to rise above the struggles, and even the ashes, of our lives. His own story of redemption is all the more remarkable because of his most unusual background. I have had the privilege of knowing, working, and flying with many military pilots. Fighter pilots, however, are a breed apart. Descendants of the first cadre of WWI fighter pilots whose life expectancies in combat were forty-five days, these aviators lived life with gusto, humor, and a "spit in your eye" bravado. Still today, they are exceptional specimens overflowing with situational awareness, independent spirit, self-assuredness, competitive nature, and overall ability. John Doerr was no exception. He was a perfect savage and warrior combination…capable and jovial despite the harshness around him, and consistently successful at completing his mission. He exhibited all the fighter pilot traits when we served together, yet fortunately for all of us, he also had hidden and not-yet-discovered character traits not often seen in this breed…traits such as introspection, vulnerability, and a willingness to take the road less traveled. His discovery of his deeper self is truly, "situational awareness" in afterburner. Once a savage embracing destruction, he is now the spiritual-warrior with a mission of service to empower others to rise above the misery of addiction, guilt, and defeat. I've known Johnny for nearly fifty years, since our death-defying flight above the Arctic Circle and the frozen fiords of Norway. He exploded into my life with all the color and grandeur of a Hollywood actor and gave me the gift of knowing what it's like to live on the edge. He admits now that he was in darkness, but he was a brilliant light for me. In his Shadow period, I was given the opportunity to help him regain his former grandeur after a long battle with addiction and guilt. I see this was not a wasted effort, as he has, by telling his story, found his light and he is now using it to benefit others. Yes, From Savage to Shaman is a story of redemption, the stuff of ancient myths, where from the depths of darkness, a battered human fights his way, not only to regain his self-esteem but also to guide others to their own light. Roger Landry, Col USAFMC (retired) Cape Cod, Massachusetts _________________________________________________________________________________ Preface

About twenty-five US military veterans commit suicide every day. I am grateful to no longer be concerned about the "horrors-of-war" pit and the demons that attack when the mind slides into that space of emptiness, depression, and worse. Some suggested that I write a book sharing my journey from darkness and despair, to freedom and joy. Having never written a book, I was stuck and did not know where or how to begin. Then a spiritual teacher arrived and through her, divine inspiration and guidance were received. From Savage to Shaman was born. I committed myself to share, through this book, the path I've traveled and the tools I've acquired along the way. Those that suffer will find themselves in this book and may use these tools to assist and guide them out of their darkness, through their shadow, and into their light. I have poured my heart and soul into this project and have been lovingly supported by friends and spirit along the way. This book is a gift from my heart to yours. From Savage to Shaman is my atonement for my participation in the Vietnam war. And if just one person finds what they need to heal from suicidal thoughts and actions, then this four-year book project will be double worth it. There is nothing more important in your life than you. Do your inner work and join me on the peaceful path of love, compassion, and service to all beings. From my heart, Johnny MedicineBear, September 2, 2023 _______________________________________________________________________________________________ Introduction

Neither healing inner trauma nor reading this book is for the faint-of-heart. But if you have an interest in healing yourself, then this book is for you. I am Johnny MedicineBear and this is my story from a childhood of direct and indirect abuse, through a Vietnam combat tour flying fighter-jets, to my present-day space of freedom and joy. But this is also your story on a slightly different angle for it transcends gender, cultural, and religious boundaries. We all suffer as children. To feel better, we run toward addictions and the military where one may fly jet airplanes, drive tanks, or crew an aircraft carrier. But somewhere along my path, I stopped running from life and began walking toward life. YOU CAN TOO. That is what this book is all about. From Savage to Shaman applies to civilian, military, male, and female alike. It is inclusive, not exclusive. Whatever traumas you suffer from, you will find yourself in this book. You will also find the tools to illuminate your path from hopelessness, depression, and suicidal thoughts toward your light. Into the Darkness is the story of my abusive and lacking childhood, and most of my twenty years in the Air Force. You will easily relate to this section. Into the Shadow is the story of exploring many spiritual paths of recovery and healing. As I matured and assumed ownership and responsibility for myself, life began unfolding in more meaningful and compassionate ways. Into the Light is my journey with a spiritual teacher. I share the various paths, tools, and concepts that I now embrace. I am confident that you can improve your current state of mind and body with commitment and dedication to doing your inner work. This book is your guide for doing that. You are number one in your life. Now commit to doing your work. And remember that Johnny MedicineBear walks with you every step along your earth-walk. You are never alone. From my heart, Johnny MedicineBear, September 2, 2023

 

 

INTRODUCTION - INTO THE DARKNESS
"Where did you grow up Johnny?" "I haven’t," I replied. I’m pleased that as an adult, I am lighthearted and have a very active little boy running around somewhere inside this slightly more mature body. That little boy was born a trusting loving child, eager to explore life from his radiant heart. But through cultural, religious, family, and inter-personal experiences, he matured into an ego-centered savage. He lost his way. This conditioning and contraction happens to most of us. Many adults believe that their physical bodies and mind are all that they are. They are unaware of their higher self and identify solely with their personality. These people are separated from their soul and have forgotten who they were when they were born. The personality and ego forms during early childhood. And I began sliding "Into the Darkness" as a child at home, continuing the down-slide through high-school, university, and sixteen of my twenty years in the United States Air Force. The fun-loving, radiant little boy disappeared somewhere, and for survival, I grew into an ego-centered, self-righteous, savage. Even when surrounded by friends or in a crowd, I was alone. By high school graduation, I was lost and out of control. This was all unconscious, of course, and I thought that my life was fairly normal. I believed that most everyone drank alcohol and partied, most everyone was dishonest at least sometimes, and that humans could not get along with each other. Wars were inevitable and simply occurred from time to time. I believed humans just could not get along with each other. The story of Johnny MedicineBear IS the story of every one of us. Divine inspiration guided me to bare my soul, share my life experiences, and write this book. I hope you relate to my adventures and use From Savage to Shaman as a tool to embrace your darkness, journey through your shadow, and emerge into your light. Walk with me now "Into the Darkness."

INTRODUCTION - “INTO THE SHADOW”
“Major, you’re an alcoholic,” said the rehab admittance Doctor. “I’m sending you to five days of detox to clean you out a bit, then four weeks of alcohol rehab.” So that’s what’s wrong with me, I thought, and that’s fixable with a little bit of work I guessed. I was calm and peaceful. I somehow knew that my old life of drinking and fear was ending and a new sober life was unfolding before me. I felt like an arrow released on a trajectory towards an unknown future. It was the 8th of March, 1985, and I was being admitted to the alcohol rehab facility of a US military hospital in Germany. That was the last day that I consciously consumed alcohol. I was forty years old, a major in the United States Air Force, and the father of two young daughters. I had the maturity of perhaps a ten or twelve-year-old child and had used alcohol to make every major life decision since college. With the whiskey bottle gone, my toolbox of life-tools was empty. “Into the Shadow” is my life adventure of replacing old concepts and behaviors that no longer served me, with new ones that did. I was on a journey of filling my toolbox with new life-tools. The following morning, the “peaceful picnic” ended and the shakes began. The reality of what I had done to arrive here, the quality of fathering I had bestowed on my daughters, and the emptiness inside my heart settled in. For several days I lie sweating and shaking in a bed wishing I was dead, and had I a butcher knife, I might have used it to end my misery. “Into the Shadow” is my life journey from the depths of despair and depression during alcohol detox, till the arrival of my “Teacher” thirty four years later in June of 2019. We are all individuals on an earth-walk. Yet at our core, our spiritual center, we are all connected with each other through Cosmic Consciousness, Life-Force, Source Energy, Great Spirit, God, or simply the One. Journey with me now through my pain and pleasures, releasing old patterns, gathering new life-tools, stretching beyond the comfortable known, and exploring the light and darkness as we walk together “Into the Shadow.”


INTRODUCTION - INTO THE LIGHT “I can’t see! I can’t see!” I not only can’t see, but I don’t get it either and I want to run as fast and as far as I can. Being blind is very uncomfortable in the presence of one who sees. I was moving out of my comfort zone and into unfamiliar, unexplored territory. There was nowhere to hide and no reasonable options available other than to stay in the pain and trust; or run away, again... from myself. It was excruciating at times and I felt like I was dying. And parts of me were. Within a few days of her arrival in mid June of 2019, she established new guidelines and our relationship shifted from supportive friends to Teacher and student. I didn’t realize at the time that I was departing on a life-enhancing Spiritual Pilgrimage. Her initial request was for me to contribute a few chapters about my Vietnam flying experiences and my non-physical Vietnamese friend Mr. Song for inclusion in a future book of hers. I was all-in for that and honored to be a part of her project. That rapidly changed to this Spiritually-inspired, Spiritually-guided “From Savage to Shaman” book-project that you are now reading. Just being around her stirred my soul and challenged me deeper than I’d ever previously experienced. It took a while for me to realize that the source of my uncomfortableness had it’s roots in my suppressed and repressed anger, rage, fears, and loss of control. I had never spent continuous time with a spiritual teacher before and was constantly challenged and uncomfortable around her. I was way beyond my comfort-zone. Old behaviors, old habit patterns, old “ways of doing things” weren’t working out so well anymore and had to go. Even my beautiful Motorcoach Dutch and my Harley-Davidson motorcycle lost their high priorities and went to the back burner. Much of how I lived my life was headed for the trash-can and would be discarded. Her life is in service to Divinity, and she repeatedly said “it’s not personal for me Johnny. I’ve been called to be here as an instrument of Spirit. This is Divine work.” Being super-sensitive to energies, she requested for her protection and safety that in this book I hold her in sacred anonymity. So I refer to her simply as “Teacher” with great reverence and respect for this selfless being. “Into the Light” is my life journey from my Teacher’s arrival in mid June of 2019, till the completion of this book in 2023. It was transformative and extremely challenging. I invite you to walk with me through my experiences and discoveries, pains and sufferings, challenges and pleasures with an open heart and an open mind. Hopefully you will relate, be challenged, and grow. From Savage to Shaman is not a story or adventure book but rather a transformational tool to be used to help you move beyond your darkness, through your shadow, and “Into the Light.”